i want to blog ..

but i don’t know how to write it down.

i feel frustrated and annoyed and irritated and disappointed and sad and insecure.

i feel like throwing my temper at someone/something.

i cry.

i don’t like the replies.

what’s wrong with me???????????????????

apprehensiveness

i’m supposed to be studying for WBA and i’m not. i practically haven’t studied anything for it and i’m gonna take the test in 6 hours time >.< i’m just not in the studying mood..

how i wish i don’t have to graduate so early. how i wish time would stay in year 3 semester 1. where we would see liang “woowoo” every other day for lessons. where we’ll get A’s for reports/projects. where everything was pretty simple except for sucky IB.

whenever i start reading the notes, my mind will automatically start drifting away, thinking through the options. stop studying and start working, studying with loan and working part-time, study part-time and working part-time..

i don’t want to have to think of what i’m going to do after graduating. it stresses me out just thinking about it. i’m worried and afraid. i think my dad’s right. i want to continue studying just because i don’t want to work. and i really don’t like studying as much as i don’t like working. though, i would definitely choose studying over working because at least i can skip lessons and “rest”. i’m just plain lazy i guess. sometimes i feel like i know what i want. most of the times i don’t. and when i do know, i’m still unsure about it. i afraid of going into the working world, though i’m pretty sure that’s where i’m going after i graduate from poly. we don’t have the means to put me through SIM and i know i won’t be able to get into the local unis. besides, my mum is the only one working. taking out a student loan will be pretty tough for her.

i don’t even want to think this. i can’t concentrate on anything when people are always talking about the future now. if i can’t even go through the present what future is there for me.

vomit

i don’t know what’s wrong with me. feeling moody recently. actually, i think since school started. this semester sucks! the schoolwork, e-learning, class, projects! i don’t know if i can take it any longer. i just want to go through this semester fast. i don’t want to compete with others. i just want to be able to pass. i get irritated easily too. especially in class. because of certain people. RAHHHHH!
i don’t have the mood to do anything. i don’t do tutorials. my assignments are submitted late. everything’s done last minute. i’m procrastinating. A LOT. my workshop from 2 weeks ago is still not done and not submitted. just because there’s no deadline. so i keep telling myself i’ll do it tomorrow. and that tomorrow never comes. i really have to get started on that because last week’s workshop is a continuation of that. which means that i’m already behind by 2 workshops. plus this week, it’ll be 3! urgh!!!!!!! get me out of this shithole.
thank god for friends that i can count on. i’m glad that they’re there. without them, i don’t think i’ll be going to school, to tutorials & lectures. i recently felt betrayed by someone. someone whom was pretty close to me. but things have changed since. and.. i don’t know. i feel like i can’t tell her things anymore. she’s .. weird. yeah, i’m weird too, but a different kind of weird =/ =] =(