apprehensiveness

i’m supposed to be studying for WBA and i’m not. i practically haven’t studied anything for it and i’m gonna take the test in 6 hours time >.< i’m just not in the studying mood..

how i wish i don’t have to graduate so early. how i wish time would stay in year 3 semester 1. where we would see liang “woowoo” every other day for lessons. where we’ll get A’s for reports/projects. where everything was pretty simple except for sucky IB.

whenever i start reading the notes, my mind will automatically start drifting away, thinking through the options. stop studying and start working, studying with loan and working part-time, study part-time and working part-time..

i don’t want to have to think of what i’m going to do after graduating. it stresses me out just thinking about it. i’m worried and afraid. i think my dad’s right. i want to continue studying just because i don’t want to work. and i really don’t like studying as much as i don’t like working. though, i would definitely choose studying over working because at least i can skip lessons and “rest”. i’m just plain lazy i guess. sometimes i feel like i know what i want. most of the times i don’t. and when i do know, i’m still unsure about it. i afraid of going into the working world, though i’m pretty sure that’s where i’m going after i graduate from poly. we don’t have the means to put me through SIM and i know i won’t be able to get into the local unis. besides, my mum is the only one working. taking out a student loan will be pretty tough for her.

i don’t even want to think this. i can’t concentrate on anything when people are always talking about the future now. if i can’t even go through the present what future is there for me.

life-less

ever since i started attachment, it’s like totally no life can! everyday work, home, work, home. den weekends is my driving lessons. totally no time to go out. and my attachment pay is freaking little i dun even have money to shop la. besides, leehom’s concert is coming up! and i’m gonna spend my next pay for his concert tics, which is like $200.

and NP’s timetabling system sucks! i think i’ve siad this before, but i can’t help it la. makes us so kanchiong and frustrated. oli nearly couldn’t get into the same class! and now, i just hope we get nice classmates. since i heard that the ppl who’re in my class isn’t from our sem =/ and IS modules enrolment is next! acutally tmr. another round of kanchiong-ing!!

and driving’s fun! i just realised that i find myself looking forward to my driving lessons every weekend. haha! and till now, my instructors have been pretty nice. lucky la! thou i had a couple blah ones. my grp also doesn’t have fixed instuctors so i get instructors from all over. throughout my 12 lessons, all my instructors were different la. dirivng on sat! cant waitttttttt~

TGIF!

work is tiring! waking up at 6.30am everyday and sleeping at 12am. that isn’t enough for me you know. i’m spending so little time on my hobby! i needa catch up on my sleep on the weekends. rahhhh! today past like really really slowly, and i kept looking at the clock hoping that it’ll be 6pm so i can get out of that place. it feels so stressful in there, like i can’t do absolutely anything wrong, else i’ll be blacklisted forever. you know, on the first day, i already can’t stand it and felt like giving up. but i can’t! i just have to get through 7 weeks! then it’s over. i don’t want to end up failing internship and having to go through it all again, but this time, without ollie with me just ‘cos i know she’ll pass it. haha i can’t say much here in case someone from the company sees it =/

ah! and we finally knew our pay. it’s damn effing little lah. it’s like the minimum pay one can get for internship. arghhh! there goes our list of things we wanna buy. so depressing after we knew about it. not knowing was better. at least we can still dream. ah well. we got no choice.

and my driving lessons are gonna cost about $70/lesson. ‘cos after work will be peak hours already and weekend lessons cost more too. spending more money again. i wanna get my driving license soooon. but i’ve just started stage 2 luh. another lesson on sunday! i hope i get to drive far =D