i want to blog ..

but i don’t know how to write it down.

i feel frustrated and annoyed and irritated and disappointed and sad and insecure.

i feel like throwing my temper at someone/something.

i cry.

i don’t like the replies.

what’s wrong with me???????????????????

Protected: i suck.

:(

i’m having a damn headache and sorethroat and it’s raining damn heavily and freezing cold in here and i miss baby already emo emo emo shitszxz i wanna go out shyy

fuck darrell

I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM

zombified

he’s enlisted for ns. yesterday. and since last night i’ve been waiting for his call. if you said you’re going to call, then call. i understand that you’re tired. but even if you called and we only talked for like a minute it’s okay. but i shall let it go this time round. haa and i feel empty. i’ve been waiting for a msg from him since morning and then i remember that he’s in ns and can’t be msging me.

shit shit shit. and i’ve had a bad morning too. coming back to work after 2 days off and crap happens. wish you were here.

// post note
he called the next day. haha apparently his phone has some probs so yeah.

Protected: enter name in box

pms

graduated.

end of a carefree life.

start of a “no life” life.

start taking responsibility for my actions.

soemtimes hate my job.

want to have fun.

want to stay out late.

want to continue studying.

start saving $200/month.

enough?

don’t know.

need to practice driving more.

driving skills suck balls.

traumatised by taxi driver.

holy crap.

hate changing lanes.

need to meet laopos more.

wouldn’t dare sit in my car again.

nearly died twice.

or maybe more?

missing school days.

thinking of the boring days ahead.

especially when the guys go to ns.

hate this time of the month.

think family

went to the library to borrow this book called “Why? When Both My Parents Took Their Lives” by Yin. came across this at popular and read a couple of pages. really touching. nearly cried there. lol so i went to borrow it from the library. its a true story about this woman who was really close to her father and one day he committed suicide. basically its about how she survived after his death, coping with her grief and healing.

Protected: fault

dilemma

i don’t know what to do. i’ve been offered a job. yes i know, thats good.

HOWEVER, i have to work for at least 6 months and if i quit within that 6 months, i have to pay them money. so, im considering whether to take up that job or not. why am i considering?

because,

what if i don’t like that company?
what if i don’t like the people there?
what if the people there don’t like me?
lots and lots of what ifs.

i know that being offered a job is good enough, but still..

if they don’t have this 6 months thing, i would take up the job offer, since i can quit anytime i like with no consequences.

if i take up the job, i’ll start on the 30th this month, and 1st month will be temp period. the next 3 months is probation and after that, will be the perm where i’ll get a pay rise hopefully.

i’ve decided to ask them if the 6 months thing can start after the 1st month temp period. if it isn’t possible, i shall just turn it down and go on to look for other jobs. D:

on the other hand, i’m seriously considering going back to my internship company. ya, i just said it. I AM THINKING OF GOING BACK THERE.. i know i’ve said that i wouldn’t be going back there previously.

but at least i know the people there and i know that (most of them) are nice. AND, if i go back there, at least i can be in the HR department, and that’s what i want to do. i think.

besides, my parents and grandparents! keep bugging me about it. not really bugging, but they’re asking me to go back there since its near and boss asked me to go back after i graduate. but, people might just be saying it as courtesy right? i don’t know.

what to do now????????