the rock

i understand that scissors can beat paper, and how rock can beat scissors,
but theres no fucking way that paper can beat rock.

paper is suppose to magically “wrap around” rock, rendering it immobile?
why the hell can’t paper do this to scissors?

screw scissors
why can’t paper do this to people?

why aren’t sheets of notebook paper constantly suffocating students
as they attempt to take notes in class?

i’ll tell you why

-

BECAUSE PAPER CAN’T BEAT ANYBODY!
a rock would tear the shit up in 2 seconds.

when i play rock/paper/scissors i always choose rock.

then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper,
i punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say:

“oh shit, i’m sorry – i thought paper would protect you, asshole”